These Liberal Snowflakes Are Impinging on My Freedoms!

I believe in two things in this world: America, and freedom. But of course, these liberal snowflakes just descended on my home state this past week and you wouldn’t believe the changes they have already brought about. First off, they are canceling everything. School? Canceled. Bus routes? Canceled. Our fossil-fuel energy grid? Canceled.

Now I’m being forced to do all sorts of things that are part of the liberal snowflake agenda: I have to dress a certain way to be allowed out in public, and this way makes it very hard to tell people’s genders apart! And speaking of mixing up genders, turns out liberal snowflakes have gone a step further than gender-neutral bathrooms: no bathrooms. Normally I’m pro-ICE, but the liberal snowflakes have used it to deny my access to running water entirely.

Not only that, but these liberal snowflakes have taken away my ability to earn a living. I’m not even allowed to go to work anymore. Not just me, this has happened to every one of my neighbors! We are headed for complete collapse under the weight of all these liberal snowflakes who are — and I’m just calling a spade a snow shovel here — white traitors. How did so many liberal snowflakes just appear like this overnight? It speaks of a much deeper conspiracy of at least 4–8”.

Let this be a lesson to all of you who claimed that all of this ACA nonsense wasn’t a slippery slope. It is a slippery slope. Literally, the road outside my house is a slippery slope and I can’t get to the doctor. We must resist this snocialist agenda! Fortunately, the liberal snowflakes did not think to confiscate my gun, which is lucky, because they’ll only get it when they pry it out of my cold, dead…