Passover + Lizzo = Magic

In my family we have a tradition of writing song parodies about the Passover stories. We wrote the first one to the tune of Copacabana in 1996. This year I wrote a parody of Truth Hurts. It is a terrible parody of an amazing song and it still brings me joy to sing it. So, with apologies, here is “Lice Hurts”

Why is pesach night different than another night?

Woo

I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that yid
Even wandering the desert.
Yeah, I got flock problems, that’s the shepherd in me
Burn burn, bush on fire, that’s the prophet in me.
You coulda had an exodus, non-committal
without bloodshed, just a little
You’re ‘posed to let us go, but now you’re holding us back
And that’s the sound of all plagues coming fast

Why pharaoh great ’til he gotta be great?
Water’s blood now, boils up on his face
Moses sat him down in the salon chair
“Let my people go,” get us out of your hair
Fresh hailstorms with the bomb lighnting
Locusts eating up all of the live things
Lice hurts, still might need some sacrificing
Bom bom bi dom bi dum bum bay

Gonna break our chains?
Oh don’t yank my chain
’Cause god has got some tricks left
Gonna cause you some pain
Hey, I’m heard your back with your fam
I am slaughtering a pascal lamb
You will never ever ever ever stop what’s coming.
I put the pace in pesach
Ain’t worried ‘bout the taste of my matzah
So you can tell Moses, “raise your staff” at the Red Sea
It’s OK, pharaoh isn’t gonna catch me.

Why is pesach night different than another night?
Share matzah, eat some bitter herbs right.
Everyone is reclining at the table
Salt water, tell the pesach fable
Fresh brisket, soup and some gefiltes
Afikomen, else we’ll all be stuck here.
Hagaddah, needed something more exciting
Bom bom bi bom bi dum bum bay

This is how I imagine Lizzo would look parting the red sea. This photo is by Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for Coachella. Isn’t Coachella like a modern day desert? The image works.

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