Dear Families, Throughout this past year, the well-being of our entire community has come first. This is why we have declined to reopen schools despite the fact that you are literally right now watching two strangers sit nineteen inches away from each other at a bar before taking public transit…

I believe in two things in this world: America, and freedom. But of course, these liberal snowflakes just descended on my home state this past week and you wouldn’t believe the changes they have already brought about. First off, they are canceling everything. School? Canceled. Bus routes? Canceled. Our fossil-fuel…

Hey Steven (Speilberg or Soderberg), Stoked to be working with you! As you know, Pandemic killed at the box office this spring, which is why we are fully behind the sequel happening on such a quick timetable. And I have to say, the set-up for this one is really effective…

I began plotting my return almost immediately. As you carefully doused that perfect tiny head in conditioner, sprayed detangler, and oh so gently pulled a brush through the fine, babysoft strands, I was already mapping out my path to sweet revenge. It begins as she sleeps, her petite skull burrowed…

Welcome children! Big news here at DGAF Academy. With the extension of the school year to “indefinitely” we have also “indefinitely” postponed our academic track in favor of vocational training. There is only one vocational track available at this time. It is cleaning. Welcome to the cleaning track! I know…

In my family we have a tradition of writing song parodies about the Passover stories. We wrote the first one to the tune of Copacabana in 1996. This year I wrote a parody of Truth Hurts. It is a terrible parody of an amazing song and it still brings me…

Shit show “Shit show” is a descriptive noun. I think that’s a thing. It means something is a total mess, totally crazy and disorganized. Like the house right now, for example. Or this school day. Or the world. No, you can’t call your sister a shit show. People aren’t shit shows. Unless…

Well, this is awkward. I was really proud of many of the innovations DGAF Academy pioneered this week. But it turns out that “four day school weeks” and “half day school days” only get you so far when your school is a boarding school. So, yes, school is technically out…

Once upon a time, six days ago, a millenial lived in the Epicenter of the Big Pandemic, in a little house made of porous surfaces. The great, dark stay-home order of the Pandemic stood all around the house, and beyond it was shelter in place and beyond that was martial…